The Real World.
Having made the decision to move out of the services into the real
world, I took a position as a staff nurse on an intensive care unit in west
London, and moved into a house in Ealing.
I had made contact with a local Beaumont Society group, ran by a lovey
woman called Janet, that met in Ealing, and
attended frequently over the next few years. The meetings were held in a
‘hush-hush’ ‘secret squirrel’ sort of way.
The Beaumont Logo |
I was able to make lifelong friends
with some of the members, and was introduced to Christine, who had a house and
was looking to take in a lodger to help with the bills and keep the place
secure when she was away as she traveled overseas a lot.
Seventh Heaven.
The first week I had moved in was a turning point in my life. I could
dress when I liked, keep my clothes in my wardrobe hanging up, shoes on the
rack and relax enfem. This was my Pandora moment and it was Bliss!
My night life took off too, as Christine enjoyed going out for meals
and socialising, and as I didn’t drink, I very quickly became indispensible as the
designated diver. So we were off gallivanting all over the capital when ever
possible. I was living full time fem and only out of heels at work or at the
canoe club.
But being a poor low paid nurse in the NHS, I couldn’t afford to keep
my car, pay rent and eat, so sadly sold it and took to cycling the 17 miles
each way to work as back every day. The upside was I had a fab figure, and this
helped my canoeing as well. I averaged 34 miles a day, or better seen as 1000 miles
a month by bicycle, no wonder I was fit!!
I had to register with a GP and the
lovely Indian lady doctor in the surgery around the corner from the house took
me on. I explained my situation and the fact that I felt I should have been
female, and asked her advice. Surprisingly she had come across this before and
was familiar with the Benjamin protocols, the real life test, hormone therapy
and referrals for psychologist assessments etc. However she would not start any
treatments for at least six months and only then after a psychological review,
saying that I should start my ‘Real Life Test’ during that time, as it was a
three year test so the sooner I started the better it would be. This was the
early 1980’s and I am pleased to say we have progressed from this nowadays in
many areas, but still have some way to go.
London Friend
Yvonne Sinclair |
Yvonne was one of the original London girls who introduced me to the
balls!
Ron |
It was only some time later that I learned that Ron would often use the
proceeds from the events to support other London based charities.
Life in Technicolor
Living in Christine’s house was always interesting as she was very
social and invited some lovely people back for snacks and drinks. One afternoon
she turned up at home with a lovely lady who was about my age at the time, dressed
in an amazing short dress, skyscraper heels and hairstyle to die for. After
chatting she told me she was transitioning and her Arab sheikh boyfriend was
paying for everything, flat, clothes, surgery, hair removal … and shoes!! (… I
would settle for the just the shoes!! ) She was very positive about the
arrangement and oversaw the property he owned in the UK so earned her keep.
When I was not working weekends we would hit the city. There were
nights out at Stallions, Hippodrome, Heaven, The Way Out Club, Storms and the
Fallen Angel. Even Ealing had a friendly club called Lucky’s that was in walking
distance of home, and had a gay night that was well attended. We had become part of the ‘IN’ crowd of alternative London, dancing at all the
trendy night clubs of the day, rubbing shoulders with rock stars, those on the
up, the famous DJ’s of the day, politicians, and people you could see in the
newspaper gossip columns.
We often met celebrities at the
Hippodrome with Peter Stringfellow including
Marilyn, Tiny Tim, Kenny Everet and Alan ‘fluff’ Freeman.
London Hippodrome |
I went out with the girls at the
hospital a few times for meals or drinks, being invited to hen nights and even
a wedding. We all got on very well, partly due to the large number of agency
nurses that came through the unit and the small core team that kept the place
running. It did make for some long discussions on nights about gender and
sexuality, and prompted the first serious navel gazing that I undertook to try
and understand what I was and why. After a few months of soul searching and
asking lots of questions of my friends I came to the conclusion that I was me,
unique and happy, so I told myself to just get on with life and be myself.
Meanwhile the TV/TS group had found
a new venue in French Place, Shoreditch, and we all became involved in setting
it up. The venue was much better than Islington in that we all put something
into it to make it work. It had a
different dynamics as well as a vibrant atmosphere. It was ‘ours’ and open most
days and you could always have a nice cup of tea and chat, there were changing
rooms and big mirrors. It hosted meetings and events, including a memorable
presentation by Dr Russel Reid.
Sadly it was not a long term success
as it was a great initiative, and provided a safe haven for many new girls
coming out. It seemed that this was destined to fail after a couple of years
mainly due to the internal politics of the group around the management of the
venue
Sole
Mate
One of the friends that I was
introduced to by Christine was to become my long term partner. She lived on the
other side of Ealing and was in a relationship at that time with some one who
was also TV.
The boss ! |
We got on well and would often all
meet up as a group at the local night club and dance together. However I wasn’t
looking for a relationship at the time and didn’t think she was either, when
one weekend she phoned me to see if I could help as her niece, (who she was
babysitting while her brother and sister in law were at the Bruce Springsteen
‘Born on the fourth of July concert in Wembley) had fallen off a slide and hurt
herself. When they arrived at the house
I found the niece had landed on her arm and it was painful but not broken, so
some ice for a while and a bandage was all that was required, and after a 10
min watch of cartoon on the telly it was all forgotten. As payment I was invited to go to the ‘Big
Top’ on Battersea Park to see a ballet with her.
One thing led to another and we
eventually became partners.
She had a proper job as an editor of
a magazine in the city, and I was the lowly paid nurse working shifts, so it
was a complete role reversal where I was taken out and dined on her expense
account at all the fashionable places in London, the ballet, opera, and I
introduced her to canoeing, where I took her out on the Thames one new years’
day when the river was in flood and she nearly drowned. She eventually forgave
me and we have been together for over 30yrs now !
Peddles
and Paddles
Canoeing was still a major part of my life, and I was selected to race
in Denmark. This was all well and good but the team were on a tour for over a
week training in the Danish lakes and I couldn’t get the time off for the whole
event. However L, who was also invited to race was not able to make the whole
tour either so she and I hatched a plan! I managed to arrange night duty for
the week before the race and the pair of us cycled the 750 miles from London to
the center of Denmark in four long days – thank goodness it was mostly flat!
It was a hard ride with minimal stops and long days, however some how
we managed to get to the race location in daylight the night before it was due
to start, and were met by the whole team who informed us that the race had been
cancelled!! It took a while for us to believe them, but the other teams had to
pull out and it became a time trial across the lakes . We had to follow the
local paddlers most of the way as none of the British team knew where we were
going, so after 15 miles it ended up a
100mtr sprint at the end when we could all see the finish line!
An interesting aside to this was after we got back from the trip, I
told L about my Fem side and we had dinner together. She was very annoyed as
she said that she wished I had told her earlier as we had two weeks together on
the trip and it would have been good to talk about it. Her father was a genetic
scientist and was one of the expert witnesses called during the April Ashley
divorce case, to explain the relevance of chromosomes in gender identification.
Sadly his work was party to blame for putting the whole world on hold for the
acceptance of transgender transitioning for many years.
paddling |
Pastures
New
I was really enjoying the London
lifestyle and was living life to the full.
I had a nice place to live, great
friends, a great job, I had been full time for about a year and was in a new
relationship.
J, on the other hand was at the end
of her relationship with her previous partner, was tired of her executive job
and wanted to leave London.
She invited Christine and I to
another of her nieces 18th birthday party in Cornwall, so that
weekend right after a late night out at a ball we jumped in the car and drove
the five hours arriving at 8am, and just in time for breakfast. The party was
fun, if a little reserved from the one we had just attended in London, and we
had the following day free to explore the area and visit the beach.
Our hostess, J’s Sister in Law,
worked in one of the local estate agents and hearing that J had wanted to leave
London and was selling her house, suggested that she may get a lot of property
for her money in Cornwall. They discussed work options and fell upon a plan to
buy a bed and breakfast that would generate some income and have a place to
live as well, for the same price as her house was for sale for in London.
This was another period of change in
my life and we had a discussion on what direction to take. So after a lot of
sole searching I made a commitment not to progress my transition, put my fem
side on hold, and moved to Cornwall with J.
I was still in my mid-twenties, and
had not had a serious relationship before. I thought that this relationship
would be a short-term event and that it may last for one or two years at the
most.
Oh,
I Do Like to Be Beside the Sea Side
We moved in the spring of 1984 into
a lovely eight bedroom guest house about 500 yards from the sea, and took in
regular guests to pay the bills, and provided respite for people being cared
for by the Terence Higgins Trust and Body Positive, as well as arranging a few
weekends for people from the Transgender community.
I worked in the nearby hospital to
pay the mortgage, while J ran the house. We both worked hard to make it happen
and were always looking to expand the market somehow, taking in surfers, school
groups and outdoor activity groups.
North Cornwall |
When we sold we decided to travel –
so we put all the money from the house, bought two bicycles and a tent, and a
one way ticket to Spain on the Santander ferry. We left with an aim to be away
for about a year, but soon forgot that and ended up cycling round the world for
six and a half years – which is another story all together.
Luckily in many respects I was
proven to be very wrong and our relationship has lasted over 32 yrs now. We are
still partners, and not married, despite her proposing to me many times, we are
still together because we want to be together. I’m not sure why I am reluctant
to get married, maybe something about another bind to break if I wish to
transition. Who knows or cares.
It’s
a Wrap
So now I am approaching my sixtieth
birthday, we are still together and still have a very strong bond. I dress
often when appropriate and we enjoy a vibrant social life including burlesque,
theater, ballet, cinema and lots of traveling together.
Us |
Yes, it’s hard at times that I
haven’t transitioned, and yes I would love to transition tomorrow, but the
joint adventures and benefits we have achieved and experienced have far outweighed
my personal gains. It has been my commitment to the relationship that has put me
where I am, and I have no regrets.
My life encompasses many aspects,
with diverse areas of international competitive sport, travel, heath care work
in remote areas, academia and owing a landrover; however my dominant core is my
female side, this is the largest part of me, the part that defines me, a part
that I never want to lose, and one day hope to bring to the fore.
notes -Yvonne Sinclair’s web page
N.B. Some of the pictures above are from the web, while the others are of mine.
N.B. Some of the pictures above are from the web, while the others are of mine.
Thank you for sharing the very interesting milestones that you have encountered along your way over the past 6 decades. You are truly one person who can often chime in with an accurate "been there...done that".
ReplyDeleteI suspect that going full time and transitioning has been on your mind for many decades but if you really boil things down you may realize that you have done all that you have accomplished because it was the right thing to do. You can explore and fulfill your female inclinations as you please with a partner who understands you and what it is that you need to do to feel complete. You have the freedom and the ability to present as your mood indicated and as circumstances dictate. These wonderful freedoms should be appreciated and considered if you were to fully transition.
Just my thoughts.
Stay well
Pax
Pat
PS: I now have an appreciation of the term "Wandering" in your blog name but remain confused about "Wyvern"
Pat,
ReplyDeleteMany thanks for your wonderful comments and glad that you understand where I am in my life. I
am truly lucky to have one of the most wonderful partners in the world who understands me and my needs ,and keeps things real and balanced in my life
.
Yes, transitioning is in my mind every day to a greater or lesser extent, however as I said in my posting, I am not looking to transition in the foreseeable future but if my circumstances change then it may be a viable option.
A Wyvern is one of the Queens Mythical Beasts that are used in Heraldry, along with a dragon, unicorn and gryphon etc. It's a 2 legged flying dragon associated with the English West County where I was born. There are other links to my history that support the use of the name and relevance.
Huge hugs,happiness and health.
Dawn
x