My Day of Remembrance and Closure from the Past

This year was the first time I felt able to attend the National Remembrance Day parade at the Cenotaph in London. I had been a member of the PMRAFNS in the early 1980’s but had only joined the association earlier this year.

My day started very early with me parking up at Heathrow on the outskirts of London and taking the train into the Paddington. I had to be on site by 08:30 and had to make my way across London, negotiating various train and tube diversions. I arrived at Paddington and met up with some other veterans making their way to Horse Guards’ parade. It was nice having some company on the route and someone else to help with navigating the underground and streets to get to the main entrance for the parade. After a couple of false starts and wrong turns I arrived at the end of The Mall, with a magnificent view of Buckingham Palace and the entrance to Horse Guards. I joined the queue for the security check and presented my documents before being admitted into the parade ground, which was the form up area for the various military veterans and civilian groups. I was the first of our group to arrive, and found the specific marker for the PMRAFNS, D53, which was towards the back of the line up. The lines of various veterans wound their way around the parade ground and all the various berets, caps and badges showing the range and diversity of those involved in the event. It was a glorious day, cool but with clear blue skies and no wind as well as lots of rich autumn colours in the trees around the surround area. My journey to arrive atthe parade that morning had been an emotional one, that started in January with an official apology from Air Chief Marshal Sir Richard Knighton, Chief of the Air Staff, for the way I was treated during my time in the RAF in the 1980’s. This was due to being subjected to an interrogation by the Special Investigation Brach when I was outed as transgender. I was ‘advised’ that staying in the RAF was not in my best interests so chose to leave the service early. The apology included an ‘Etherton Ribbon’ badge which recognises me as an LGBTQ+ and a member of the veteran community. After a few minutes other PM’s started to arrive and I was warmly greeted and welcomed as a member of the association and very soon we had introductions being exchanged and were all chatting, giggling and catching up with each other, asking where had we served, did you know so-and-so, which ward were you on, and so on. There were a couple of others new to the parade and we were soon put at ease by those who had attended the event numerous times before. For me, it was an emotional time as I had felt excluded rom a major part of my past since leaving the RAF. I was truly humbled by the immediate acceptance and inclusion everyone gave me being part of the group. The depth of understanding and compassion my peers showed helped me attain closure for that chapter of my life. Several members told me that the Festival of Remembrance event in the Royal Albert Hall, which was televised the night before, had a specific section on how LGBTQ+ members of the armed forces had been treated during the ban, and mentioned the Etherton recommendations, so I didn’t have to explain the background to my situation in depth. I was able to meet the ‘Fighting with Pride’ team on the parade, who had been monumental in bringing the plight of the LGBTQ+ veterans to the fore. It was lovely to chat with them and hear their stories and share experiences. We were supported by serving members of the PM’s who were not marching with us but helped by looking after bags and taking the obligatory photos of the day. They tweaked our scarfs and positioned our poppies appropriately to ensure we all looked smart for the parade.

We were all called to form up six abreast and start marching and we moved off in our specific order following the long line of other veterans out of the square towards Trafalgar Square and Nelsons column, where in true military fashion we had a ‘hurry up and wait’ situation while the other groups fed down the road towards Whitehall. As the time approached 11am, we stood to attention and held the two minuets silence, which was an eerie moment in that so many people stood so still and quiet, even the birds respected the silence. The large TV screen next to our position showed the events going on further up the road where the officials and dignitaries were laying their wreaths. During this time, one of the members of the RAF Medics group marching behind us, felt unwell and a wheelchair was found to help him complete the march. It was funny that there were around 40 PMRAFNS nurses and about the same number of RAF Medics all surrounding the poor chap itching to help! It was a long time standing on our feet and I was very glad I had some comfortable shoes and had not drank too much that morning.

After the conclusion of the wreath laying, the parade moved off and slowly threaded its way to the Cenotaph, where an ‘Eyes Right’ was called and we all looked at the monument adorned with numerous red and black wreaths and added ours to the growing collection. We continued around the route with me trying to keep in step with the others but I have never been good at marching and the change in music, the echoes off the buildings and the other groups calling out their steps caused me great confusion. (Well, those are some of my excuses !!) Eventually we arrived back in Horse Guards and another ‘Eyes Right’ was given as marched past the Prince of Wales who took the salute, then we moved back into our lines all joined in with the national anthem before being dismissed. We all stretched out our legs and wiggled our toes then headed off to the Royal Air Force Club for dinner, just a five minuet walk across the nearby park through all the autumn-coloured trees in glorious sunshine. The Club was amazing, with magnificent stain glass windows with aircraft designs. We shed our warm coats and freshened up, then made our way into the dining room via the bar! The food was amazing and the conversations more so. It was wonderful to meet so many lovely people who all took the time to talk and to me. It was a truly warm and accepting environment – and sitting to rest weary feet was also very welcomed. All too soon it was time to head back and make my way south again. I shared a taxi to Paddington with some lovely people and said our goodbye’s with promises to keep in touch. On arrival back at my car, the rain started falling and was non-stop all the way home to Cornwall ! Many thanks to all who attended the event and made me feel so welcome, to the organisers who encouraged me to attend, and everyone who made the day happen. We Will Remember Them.